Mary-Est-En-France

Tuesday

Mme Bodet gave me a ride to school with the boys at 8:30. I arrived and got the classroom unlocked with time to spare. I wanted the day to be positive, but tried to brace myself in case it was not.

The first group was fine and was really interested in tornados. We watched a video together that they enjoyed. The second group was pretty rowdy, but really not bad compared to their usual behavior. I already felt tired by the time the third group arrived.

When I went to pick them up, Viri told them to wait a moment so she could talk to them. She told the class that if there were any more questions on “improper” vocabulary, they should be directed towards her. She said that Americans are just “more sensitive” and get offended “quite easily” by certain words. She laughed and said the French weren’t that way, so they should feel comfortable coming to her. I was so angry with her. The kids swore AT ME last week and asked me how to use a racial slur, that’s no small thing and yet she brushed it off like it was. Whatever- I put it in the back of my mind. Finally, she told them that they were to treat me like I was the normal teacher and that they should not be talkative. I almost rolled my eyes. I knew that it wouldn’t happen.

Of course, they were absolutely insane. With other groups, I was able to get through an 8 page slideshow with time for extra questions and pictures. These students didn’t even make it through the first slide. Whenever I would try to say something, a student would yell and cut me off. I explained that you needed to raise your hand to ask a question or make a comment. They started yelling as they raised their hand, defeating the purpose. When some of them realized that others were being rude, they started to yell at each other which just made more noise. It was chaos. After having two already not great classes, my throat was super sore so I couldn’t yell at them to be quiet like I’m sure their teachers normally do. I felt defeated.

I took the bus home which took the usual two hours. It’s a ten minute drive from my town to the school, but a two hour bus ride with a transfer. I was starving and exhausted when I finally got home. I normally try to walk a few miles each day, but I was so sad I just took a super long nap. I’m feeling unsure how to proceed from here and I know I need to send Viri a message. I don’t know if I should be honest and say that I want to change the last class- which will make her angry because she has to do more lesson planning- or if I should just hunker down and keep the class for the last month or so of the program. I wish that I had a real prof ref who could help me deal with these things. I have no real advocate here and it sucks because there’s not much I can do about it.

In the evening, I made a pizza and cleaned the house. I chatted with some friends before bed and then watched a bit of TV before sleeping.

Monday

Welcome to March! We’re closing in on the anniversary of the end of the normal world. What a time!

I caught the bus at 7:30 and got to spend nearly two and a half hours sitting in the staffroom before my classes started. Viri, the Tuesday teacher, still had not responded to my message about her classes last week. She walked past me several times to make photocopies and refused to make eye contact with me.

The Italian teacher came in and invited me to sit with her in the second hour. We talked about all the challenges I’ve been experiencing and she offered some advice. I really appreciate her support. Sometimes I wonder if the kids’ behavior isn’t considered misbehaving here- is there a cultural difference in what’s expected in the classroom or are they just out of control? She confirmed they’re just out of control. Good to know! Sad, but good to know.

Finally, it was time to start the day. The kids in my first class were super rude. A few of them were doing homework in class even after I told them to stop. I couldn’t talk to the teacher about it because she was ALSO refusing to speak to me. The rest of my classes went pretty smoothly. The last group of the day had a lesson on Black History Month that I adapted slightly. They made a lot of negative comments about Detroit when I mentioned that Rosa Parks lived there for a number of years. I decided I would do a lesson on the city so that they could see how great it actually is.

I was really frustrated by the end of the day. There was a ridiculous amount of drama between myself and the other English teachers. The Tuesday teacher refused to talk to me because she didn’t want to acknowledge what her students did. Corinne was upset because I told her I was not interested in working on Fridays and could not accept the suggested schedule changes. Christel wanted to have a meeting with the department and the principal, which seemed like a good idea. However, the other teachers vetoed the idea. Christel said that I would have to be the one to find a solution for the group. So frustrating that as the most inexperienced person in the group and the foreigner, I have to be the one to placate folks who are upset I stood up for myself.

The bus ride home seemed to take forever. I enjoyed the flowers on my walk home, which were in full bloom. I got to talk with my mom on the phone for a bit and we commiserated about teaching during a pandemic.

I sent the message to Viri repeating that we needed to find a solution for the kids and suggesting that I take a different class instead- she responded that she talked to them already and that she just wouldn’t send one of the naughty boys. Not the solution that I’d hoped for, but I decided to see how it would go and then reevaluate the next week.

Sunday

It was an absolutely beautiful day outside! The sun was shining, the birds were singing- the whole nine yards honestly. I got out there and did my little walk through the countryside. I decided to be adventurous and take the path around the outskirts of the village. I love getting to do this because I feel like I’m in the Pride and Prejudice (2005) movie. We love rolling hills!

I spent some time in the afternoon preparing my lessons for the coming week. I decided that the snow lesson went over pretty well with most of my classes, so I would show off some of the intense weather events that happen in the US. I put tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes, and wildfires into the presentation with pictures and descriptions.

The rest of my night was spent relaxing and hanging out. I got to a friend on their way to work which was really nice as well. I made a pizza for dinner and started crocheting another baby blanket.

Saturday

I was thankful to have a relaxing Saturday ahead of me. The week was incredibly stressful and I felt like I need some productivity/time to myself to feel better.

I’ve been trying to eat healthier, but that went completely out the window throughout the week from hell. I compromised with myself and decided to go for a run along the river. It was a cool day, overcast. I was happy that there weren’t too many people outside to see me sweating and completely out of breath. I listened to my political podcasts throughout my run and it was actually a great way to blow off steam. Maybe if I invest in some better running shoes I’ll make this part of my routine at home.

After a quick shower, I made myself a snack and sat down to get to work. I have been SLACKING on all of my work for Blue Cabin Crafts, so I decided to sit down and schedule all our posts for the coming month. Tami made some awesome masks that we’ll be featuring in the lead up to our craft show on March 27th. While I won’t be able to be there, I hope folks with stop down at the McCurdy park community center to support the booth! I can’t wait to be back home and doing markets again myself. It brings me a lot of joy.

As the evening rolled around and my friends started to wake up, I was able to enjoy some time with them on the phone. I played JackBox games with Jillian and Elizabeth, had a super long phone call with Syd, and got to go through photo albums with Kat. I felt so happy getting to hear from all of them. I can’t wait to be in the same country as everyone again!

Saturday was actually pretty great. It was filled with cat pictures (courtesy of the kid sister) and fun time spent with friends.

Friday

My landlady invited me to come grocery shopping with her and offered to take me to pick up my package that arrived at the Villette. We left about 9:30. Our first stop was the bank, where she demanded they give me a debit card because mind had not arrived. They said there was nothing they could do until my appointment later that day. I was doomed to return for my 14h meeting alone. We swung through the grocery store where I was a bit more responsible and bought some of the vegetables I’d ignored earlier in the week in my blind search for comfort food.

As we were on the way to the post office, Anne asked me completely out of the blue if I knew there were a lot of immigrants in Pont-Chéruy. I said yes, because many of my students were the children of immigrants. Anne made sure to tell me that she wasn’t racist before she launched into a 20 minutes monologue about the problems that immigrants cause in France. She let me know that she thinks they’re a drain on the country, provide France nothing, and aren’t assimilated at all. She was frustrated that so many women wear “the veil” aka a hijab. She thinks they should be more appreicative of France and just stop complaining about how bad the country is. She also let me know that they should just go back home if they don’t like it here. But… yeah she isn’t racist. Hell- I almost felt like I was back at home listening to a Tr*mp supporter determined to ignore any and all nuance in immigration factors.

I was able to pick up my package at La Poste. It was full of all the essentials- yarn, mac’n’cheese, and a letter from a great friend! I can’t wait to get to work with these colors!

I made lunch when I returned home and set my little plant out on the window to sun itself. I waited for 13:45 to role around and met my neighbor Catherine by her car so that we could ride into the city together. I had my appointment with the bank and she had work until 17h when she would take me back home.

At the bank, the worker could give me no reason that my card hadn’t arrived. We added “chez Luc Petit” to the address line and hoped that it would make it within the next week. I wasn’t able to take out any money because apparently you’re only allowed to do that without a card in the morning. He said he hoped it wasn’t “urgent,” as if my only way to access my money wasn’t through him. Ugh!

After my appointment I had a few hours to kill. I walked over to the shopping center at Tignieu-Jameyzieu. I was sad to discover that the “culture center” was closed so I couldn’t buy any stationary or books to occupy my time with. I decided to mosey around and look for some spring shirts that I could wear to work, but I didn’t find any that were appealing to me. I figured I could go into Lyon next week to buy something if I really needed it.

I ended up just finding some trails and walking around looking at nature for a good hour or so. It was really relaxing. I got caught up on a bunch of podcasts while I walked.

When I’d had my fill of walking around, I decided to grab a snack and sit by the river. I got two coffee eclaires. It was awesome. I sat by the river and watched as families picked up all their kids at the end of the day. It was really cute.

When 5pm finally rolled around, I met Catherine at La Poste where she works. She told me that her friend is looking for English tutoring and showed me her house in case I was interested in working with her. As we went, she saw a hijabi woman passing by and sneered “I just don’t like those veiled women. My friend is Algerian, but she’s not veiled.” She asked if we have hijabi women in the US and seemed upset when I said yes. She showed me the house and we continued back home. On our way she showed me new walking paths that were opening as the weather got better. She warned me not to go into the woods because I could be raped by a woodcutter with his saw. Yikes. We got back and she said that she’d love to see more of me and that I should stop by to speak English together sometime. I told her that we could do that and that I’d just gotten some yarn in the mail so I could come crochet with her. She insisted I come in to see her sweater project.

I was ready for some alone time after my weird day. I went home to make some dinner. I enjoyed mac’n’cheese and had my second eclaire for dessert. I put on Taskmaster on Youtube and got to work on my new blanket that I’d started after finishing the blue one. I got to talk to my family and get some pictures of my cat later in the night because my sister was visiting home.

Thursday

⚠️Content warning: I describe transphobic comments made by students ⚠️

Catherine met me at Place Platanes at 8 and we drove to school. We got to chat about my trip to Grenoble and talked about how long I would be staying in France. Everything feels so up in the air! My visa is valid until June, but I’m done teaching in April so I’m not quite sure what I’ll be doing at the moment. In the break room, I told Catherine everything that had happened on Tuesday. She was shocked that the teacher was doing nothing to help me. She insisted that I inform the principal. I told her that I would probably be contacting them about my schedule change. Catherine pulled over the Charvieu principal and told her what was going on and she promised to make a call for me to Pont-Chéruy. A bit stressful, I hate being out of control of the situation like that. I hope there’s not too much drama that comes out of it.

My first class of the day starts at 8:30 and is a group of 4ème students. Their level isn’t very high. I have 6ème classes that are much better. I started the lesson off with the same questions I do every week “hello, how are you?” and “what did you do since I saw you last?” None of them could answer, even though the questions were written on the board. I’m trying to speak less French with all my classes, so getting them to respond without immediately translating was like pulling nails. Finally, we got through the snow slides and I started to talk about black history month. I decided to include Marsha Johnson in the slides because she was an incredible LGBTQ+ activist and the accomplishments of trans women are often overlooked. All the students started making really transphobic comments. Some exclaimed “it’s a man.” Many called Marsha “it,” ignoring her personhood entirely. They stated that a transperson is always the gender they were assigned at birth and that they are just “pretending” to be another gender. It was deeply troubling. I was shocked to hear them say such hateful things so openly. I struggled to produce any words in French to rebut them, let alone effectively discuss gender theory. Finally, the bell rang.

My next class was with Noury. As usual, things were pretty smooth. We talked about the snow and moved onto the black history month portion of the presentation. Once again, there were similar comments about Marsha. I was more prepared this time and was able to correct them more effectively. I wrote Marsha’s pronouns on the board and explained that it was rude and incorrect to use the masculine “il” when discussing her and that we should instead use the feminine “elle.” That was at least somewhat effective. The discussion really made me wonder what life must be like as a trans person living in France. I can’t imagine the gender dysphoria folks must experience here.

At the break I told Géraud about his students behavior and he promised to talk to them. Next, I had Catherine’s 5ème class.

Normally, this class is one of my favorites. Thursday they were super chatty. In the first group I had to separate some boys and a group of girls because they would not be quiet. The second group was awful. We were talking about the snow and most of the students were refusing to speak in English. Every time someone answered me in French, I said “yes, but what is the answer in English?” They would refuse to respond. When I was showing them how tall the snow was in some pictures, one boy raised his hand to ask a question. He rattled off so fast and so quietly in French that I had no idea what he said. I asked him to repeat several times before someone finally repeated more slowly. I thought that they were saying the snow was so tall it would cover the head of the shortest boy in class. Thinking I finally understood I said yes- the whole class started laughing. I felt embarrassed to have misunderstood, but moved on. After class, I went to tell Catherine how naughty they had been and to see if some of the boys could stay behind next time. I heard the teacher’s aide that was in the room telling her that the boys were making fun of me throughout the class. They had been comparing the height of the snow to their dick size and then mocking me for not understanding and saying yes to them. I felt sick to my stomach. I knew that I probably get mocked behind my back, but it hurt so much to have in confirmed and my professional abilities shot down by kids. Catherine told me that the entire class would stay behind the next week and write me apology letters.

I was in a daze for the last class and hardly noticed it go by. Mme Bodet picked me up and we did some shopping together. We grabbed flowers for her garden and then got food for the week. I got a ridiculous amount of junk food because I felt like absolute shit and wanted to spend the weekend locked in my room. I really really hate teaching. I don’t know if I can make it through these last few weeks.

I spent the rest of the day watching Youtube, baking, talking with friends on the phone, and crocheting. I felt a little better by the time I went to bed. I ignored the responses from teachers about my schedule and figured they could wait. I was in no state of mind to be arguing in French over something that would just make me more upset.

Wednesday

A day devoted to recovery and self-care. I felt like absolute crap after my students’ behavior the day before. I dreaded not only going back into the classroom, but having to confront the teachers about my schedule and the behavior of their classes. I started the day with some French toast and coffee.

I had an appointment to recharge my bus card in Crémieu at 11, so Mme Bodet drove with me and helped me pay because the reader rejects my American card. I was able to pay her back in cash when we got to the car.

Back in Anthon around 12, I started to prepare for lunch. I got some pizza dough ready and left it to puff up while I did some chores. I’ve been on the road on weekends, so my landlady offered to do my laundry Wednesday morning. I spent some time hanging clothes as I listened to the news.

I had some pizza for lunch and then set to work emailing the other teachers. I wrote a detailed note to the Tuesday teacher to let her know what happened (she has not responded as of this writing on Saturday). Next, I wrote to the teacher who told me they were changing my schedule without my consent to tell her that I had obligations on Fridays and was unavailable to teach those days. I told her that I thought it would not be beneficial to change my schedule as I would not be able to offer tailored lessons to each new class, as it would be difficult to ascertain their language level with just six weeks left.

I spent the rest of the day watching Taskmaster on Youtube and making the baby blanket for my landlady’s grandkids. I wrote in my journal, got to talk to a friend on video chat, and was wracked with anxiety dreading a response from literally anyone. I hoped that the next day would be better.

Tuesday

My first day back at school! Getting back to reality was hard. I got up early for the 7:20 bus. It was really nice because there was already a bit of sunlight as I walked to the bus stop. Before class, I got to relax in the staff room and catch up on the news as I drank my espresso. That day I decided I would do a ridiculously easy lesson and just talk about the snow in Michigan. I used a bunch of the photos you guys submitted and had the kids identify different parts of them!

The first two classes were relatively smooth. They were still very talkative though and I found that my voice hurt after just two hours. I had to write down a few names to give to the professor when students refused to stop talking after I gave them a few warnings.

The last class of the day was absolutely insane. I think they were the worst hour that I have had in my time teaching. I typically have half the class for about 25 minutes and then switch and get the other half of the class. Both sets of 25 minutes felt like an eternity.

The first group started off just generally chatty. I asked them several times to quiet down. I resorted to the “I’ll wait” method. I wanted to move some of the students around, but I found that someone had stolen my chairs and there were none left. I had to keep telling several students that their masks needed to cover their noses. They rolled their eyes. One boy kept turning around to flirt with the girl behind him. I told him several times to face front. I wanted to send them back, but I know that students argue with me when I send them back. I felt like I was putting out a thousand little fires and couldn’t spare the time to argue with some kid who didn’t want to admit they were being an ass. As I was answering a question on one side of the room, I heard a student yell at me, “Hey, motherfucker!” My jaw dropped. These kids are about 13. I couldn’t believe that one of them would say that to me. Even if it is your second language, you know that those words are bad. Your teacher certainly did not teach them to you and you had to search them out yourself. Finally, my alarm went off and it was time to switch.

I was uneasy as this group came in. The better English speakers are in this half, but the boys have worse behavior. I hoped it would go better, but I ended up being wrong. The students struggled to answer basic questions like “how are you?” They chattered away in small groups and when I asked them what they were talking about they claimed they weren’t talking. I was growing frustrated and I told them they needed to be quiet and that they were being impolite. I told them I’d have to talk to the teacher about their behavior after class because they were being so rude. I moved to show them a picture of the Mackinac bridge in summer so they could compare it to the icy picture I had on the board. As I did so, one student yelled, “Mary, what is the n-word and when can I use it?” I was shocked and responded, “What?!” The student thought that I didn’t hear him, so he wandered up to my desk to ask again. I told him that he was white and couldn’t use the word and that it was racist so he didn’t need to use it anyway. The bell rang at last and I almost collapsed at my desk. I felt like I went through a war. I couldn’t talk to the teacher after class because I had to catch my bus. I resolved to send a message later that night.

I felt deeply distressed the rest of the day. On my walk home I saw some lovely flowers, which did help cheer me up.

After a good cry, I grabbed my ice cream and went to sit on the pool deck so I could look at the Rhône. It was very cathartic. I decided to write the message to the teacher tomorrow because I was so stressed. It didn’t help that another teacher messaged me and told me they wanted to change my schedule without asking me so that I would work Tuesdays and Fridays (the worst possible combo). I thought it was ridiculous they wanted to change my work schedule with just a few weeks to go. Not to mention that it would effectively kill my ability to have any long weekend trips. Ugh! How overwhelming.
Fortunately, I got to have a video call with my friend in the evening and that was really nice.

Monday

I had my visa health appointment bright and early. I lined up outside with the other folks with an 8:30 appointment time. The health appointment screens for mental health, TB, hep A/B, and general health. There is optional AIDS/HIV testing available most days, as well. You see a nurse and then the doctor. I was out by about 9:30, so I decided I would do my best to catch the next train out of the city.

I was able to hop on the 10:30 train. I made it to Lyon at 12 and grabbed lunch from the Paul boulangerie. I hopped on the tram to Meyzieu where I waited for about 30 minutes before getting on my last bus home. What a process. Yikes.

As much as I love traveling, coming home feels amazing. Walking down the main street of Anthon felt great. The sun was shining and I noticed that there were flowers poking out. I spent the rest of my afternoon crocheting and relaxing before my first day back at school.

Sunday

Our last full day in Grenoble passed quickly. Of course, we had to say goodbye to our Airbnb slippers first thing in the morning. Luckily, we were able to leave our bags in the foyer while we were out and about during the day.

Everyone craved another bagel, but agreed that we didn’t want to go back to Bagelstein because they would recognize us from the day before. Instead, we went over to Coffee and Go. This is another American-ish style coffee shop. All of us were thrilled to see they had iced drinks on the menu- Europeans are opposed to iced coffee drinks in general. We all ordered little breakfast sandwiches and drinks and were on our way to the jardin de ville to eat. I was disappointed because the sandwich was certainly pre-made and the drink was wrong.

I thought it was interesting, in the coffee shop I saw a big sign that said “# Laissez nous travailler.” “Let us work.” It seems there’s some pretty strong anti-mask and anti-COVID restriction sentiment in the city.

We wanted to do some shopping and all the stores downtown seemed closed, so I led us over to the shopping mall. Sadly, all the shops there were closed as well. Still, the sun was lovely and we found a little lake beside all the restaurants. We sat down and admired the huge catfish for a while before we started wandering our way back into town for a snack.

Alli and I were still hungry after our dissatisfactory breakfast, so we found a little sushi place that looked good. I got a rainbow roll! Having all this different food throughout the weekend was amazing. I miss getting takeout!

The river path led us to the Museum of Modern Art. There were groups of people spread out across the lawn, sunning themselves. It was so relaxing and peaceful. There were a group of people our age enjoying some beers. We felt inspired and went to pick up our own beverages from Carrefour. I suggested that we sit in the park, just past the museum where there might be fewer people and some cool pieces of art to see.

When 3pm rolled around, it was time to grab the bags and send Maggie and Alli off. I would be staying in the city for my health appointment the next day, but for them it was back to reality. Vacation was over. I still had plenty of time left before curfew at 6, so I decided to wander the town and see some new things.

I remembered from my culture class at the University of Grenoble that there was a neat alleyway full of great street art. I went to go see it. Some of the pieces are below.

Curfew was fast approaching, so I pulled up the other assistant’s address and made my way in that direction. I stumbled upon a cute park and sat there for a few minutes before wandering onward. I picked up a pizza for dinner and went to introduce myself. It was a fun night and I got to know someone new. I’m very grateful to have had a place to stay the night.