February 23, 2021

Tuesday

My first day back at school! Getting back to reality was hard. I got up early for the 7:20 bus. It was really nice because there was already a bit of sunlight as I walked to the bus stop. Before class, I got to relax in the staff room and catch up on the news as I drank my espresso. That day I decided I would do a ridiculously easy lesson and just talk about the snow in Michigan. I used a bunch of the photos you guys submitted and had the kids identify different parts of them!

The first two classes were relatively smooth. They were still very talkative though and I found that my voice hurt after just two hours. I had to write down a few names to give to the professor when students refused to stop talking after I gave them a few warnings.

The last class of the day was absolutely insane. I think they were the worst hour that I have had in my time teaching. I typically have half the class for about 25 minutes and then switch and get the other half of the class. Both sets of 25 minutes felt like an eternity.

The first group started off just generally chatty. I asked them several times to quiet down. I resorted to the “I’ll wait” method. I wanted to move some of the students around, but I found that someone had stolen my chairs and there were none left. I had to keep telling several students that their masks needed to cover their noses. They rolled their eyes. One boy kept turning around to flirt with the girl behind him. I told him several times to face front. I wanted to send them back, but I know that students argue with me when I send them back. I felt like I was putting out a thousand little fires and couldn’t spare the time to argue with some kid who didn’t want to admit they were being an ass. As I was answering a question on one side of the room, I heard a student yell at me, “Hey, motherfucker!” My jaw dropped. These kids are about 13. I couldn’t believe that one of them would say that to me. Even if it is your second language, you know that those words are bad. Your teacher certainly did not teach them to you and you had to search them out yourself. Finally, my alarm went off and it was time to switch.

I was uneasy as this group came in. The better English speakers are in this half, but the boys have worse behavior. I hoped it would go better, but I ended up being wrong. The students struggled to answer basic questions like “how are you?” They chattered away in small groups and when I asked them what they were talking about they claimed they weren’t talking. I was growing frustrated and I told them they needed to be quiet and that they were being impolite. I told them I’d have to talk to the teacher about their behavior after class because they were being so rude. I moved to show them a picture of the Mackinac bridge in summer so they could compare it to the icy picture I had on the board. As I did so, one student yelled, “Mary, what is the n-word and when can I use it?” I was shocked and responded, “What?!” The student thought that I didn’t hear him, so he wandered up to my desk to ask again. I told him that he was white and couldn’t use the word and that it was racist so he didn’t need to use it anyway. The bell rang at last and I almost collapsed at my desk. I felt like I went through a war. I couldn’t talk to the teacher after class because I had to catch my bus. I resolved to send a message later that night.

I felt deeply distressed the rest of the day. On my walk home I saw some lovely flowers, which did help cheer me up.

After a good cry, I grabbed my ice cream and went to sit on the pool deck so I could look at the Rhône. It was very cathartic. I decided to write the message to the teacher tomorrow because I was so stressed. It didn’t help that another teacher messaged me and told me they wanted to change my schedule without asking me so that I would work Tuesdays and Fridays (the worst possible combo). I thought it was ridiculous they wanted to change my work schedule with just a few weeks to go. Not to mention that it would effectively kill my ability to have any long weekend trips. Ugh! How overwhelming.
Fortunately, I got to have a video call with my friend in the evening and that was really nice.